The dynamics of a relationship are influenced by social, emotional, and biological factors. Feeling securely attached to someone fosters trust and connection (Bulitt & Bulitt, 2023). However, past experiences can impact behavior in current relationships. Emotional regulation also plays a crucial role–those who can manage their emotions are better equipped to resolve conflicts and maintain emotional intimacy. Conversely, those who struggle with emotional regulation might find stress in relationships overwhelming. Successfully navigating emotions is essential for handling disagreements without damaging the relationship. While every relationship is unique, certain characteristics are universally important for promoting balance.

I want to offer you some tools to strengthen your relationship. Remember, relationships are dynamic entities between two people. Have fun connecting!

Key components of a healthy relationship include:

- Open Communication Healthy communication includes expressing your thoughts and actively listening to your partner. It is important to meet each other’s needs with empathy, patience, and a readiness to navigate misunderstandings and disagreements.

- Emotional Support Emotional support involves being there for your partner during both good times and bad. It encompasses offering comfort, empathy, and encouragement while celebrating each other’s achievements. Feeling supported nurtures connection and intimacy, which are vital for maintaining trust.

- Honesty and Trust Trust is crucial in any relationship. Building trust requires openness regarding one's thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Over time, this honesty promotes transparency, enhancing emotional connections.

- Mutual Respect Mutual respect involves recognizing each other’s boundaries, opinions, and individuality. In a healthy relationship, both partners foster a safe environment where they feel valued and respected.

- Healthy Boundaries Boundaries are crucial for maintaining respect and autonomy in a relationship. Clear boundaries help to prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both partners feel secure and valued.

The Pillars of Healthy Relationships

Below are seven key pillars of healthy relationships that research suggests are key to a satisfying and lasting bond.

1. You can be yourself. You and your partner accept each other for who you are and do not try to change one another. You can simply be yourself and express your true identity without worrying about being judged by your partner. This is beneficial because research shows that partners who accept one another tend to be more satisfied in their relationships (South et al., 2010).
2. You are BFFs. In many ways, your romantic partner is your best friend, and you are theirs. This is great news because research indicates that romantic partners who prioritize friendship tend to be more committed and experience greater sexual satisfaction (VanderDrift et al., 2013). Romantic relationships that value friendship foster emotional support, intimacy, affection, and the maintenance of a strong bond. They also concentrate on addressing needs related to caregiving, security, and companionship.
3. You feel comfortable and connected. Getting close to someone is not always easy. However, you have worked through that in your relationship and are pretty comfortable sharing feelings, relying on each other, and being emotionally intimate. Even if vulnerability can be challenging at times, you have learned to trust your partner and find it brings you closer. You no longer put up emotional walls and do not constantly worry about your partner leaving, which provides a sense of stability (Hazan & Shaver, 1987).
4. You feel like a team. Words matter. When you speak, do you often use words like “we,” “us,” and “our”? If someone asks, “What is your favorite show to binge-watch?” do you respond with, “We have started watching Schitt’s Creek”? The use of “we” indicates a strong sense of cognitive closeness or shared identity in your relationship. Research suggests that interconnected couples tend to be more satisfied and committed (Aron et al., 1992).
5. They make you a better person. Your partner helps you refine and enhance who you are. In this case, your partner does not take charge of how you should change but instead supports your choices for personal growth (Nowrung, 2021). Together, you seek out new and exciting experiences that foster a sense of self-development.
6. You share the power. While partners may have their specific areas of expertise—such as one handling lawn care and the other focusing on interior decorating—they often share decision-making, power, and influence within the relationship. When both partners contribute to decisions, relationships become stronger, more satisfying, and more likely to endure. Unsurprisingly, couples are happier when they feel that the division of labor in their relationship is fair (Agnew & Harman, 2019).
7. They are fundamentally good. What do people want in a spouse? It is surprisingly simple: someone who is reliable, kind, warm, caring, and trustworthy (Botwin et al., 1997). Although these traits may not immediately come to mind when creating a partner’s wish list, they provide the foundation for a resilient relationship. Research suggests that partners with agreeable and emotionally stable personalities are more satisfied in their relationships (Schaffhuser et al., 2014).

Understanding your partner’s inner desires, interests, and values is essential for building a successful relationship.

References

Agnew, C., & Harman, J. (2019). Power in close relationships. Cambridge University Press. Aron, A., Aron, E. N., & Smollan, D. (1992). Inclusion of others in the self-scale and the structure of interpersonal closeness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(4), 596. Botwin, M. D., Buss, D. M., & Shackelford, T. K. (1997). Personality and mate preferences: Five factors in mate selection and marital satisfaction. Journal of Personality, 65(1), 107–136. Bulitt, J, & Bulitt. D. (2023). Secrets of strong couples: Personal stories and couples communication skills for long-lasting relationships. Mango Media. Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love is conceptualized as an attachment process.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511. Nowrung, M. (2021). Exploring the Michelangelo phenomenon in mentoring relationships. https://doi.org/10.25602/GOLD.00030314 Schaffhuser, K., Allemand, M., & Martin, M. (2014). Personality traits and relationship satisfaction in intimate couples: Three perspectives on personality. European Journal of Personality, 28(2), 120–133. South, S. C., Doss, B. D., & Christensen, A. (2010). Through the eyes of the beholder: The mediating role of relationship acceptance in the impact of partner behavior. Family Relations, 59(5), 611–622. The psychology of relationships: What makes relationships healthy, and how can we maintain them? https://insightspsychology.org/psychology-of-healthy-relationships/ The 10 pillars of a strong relationship. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/10_pillars_of_a_strong_relationship VanderDrift, L. E., Wilson, J. E., & Agnew, C. R. (2013). On the benefits of valuing being friends for nonmarital romantic partners. Journal of social and personal relationships, 30(1), 115–131.